When Our
Wounds Speak

Find the childhood wounds behind your relationship patterns, and learn what to do differently.

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We were all children once.

I was a little boy whose mother had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Throughout my childhood, I tried to fix her. I turned her struggles against myself, believing there must be something wrong with me.

But I wasn't just trying to make her happy. She also came to me with her pain, her fears, her emotions, looking to me for comfort and reassurance.

I was her child, yet I often felt like I had to be her parent.

I felt powerless, frustrated and angry.

And somewhere along the way, I began to believe that emotions were dangerous. That they could overwhelm someone, make them lose control, turn everything upside down.

Later in life, in my relationships, I became a man who would completely disconnect from his partner whenever she was struggling emotionally.

The very emotions I had spent my childhood trying to manage had become the ones I could no longer bear to face.

Then I learned the hard way that until I took care of my inner child, I could never become a truly present partner.

That's why I created The Wound Map.

Through these films, I tell simple stories that may resonate with you, perhaps touching something you haven't even become aware of yet.

I believe healing begins with acknowledging our old wounds, understanding how they still shape us, allowing ourselves to feel them fully rather than turning away, and learning to care for the parts of ourselves that were once left unheard.

What about you?

Maybe you're in a relationship, and some of your reactions don't make sense, even to you. They feel bigger than the moment, and older than you are.

Maybe you're on your own right now, looking back at the relationships you've had, and wondering why getting close has always cost you so much.

You've tried explaining yourself better. You've tried staying calm. You've tried leaving, and you've tried staying. And somehow you keep ending up in the same place.

But there's something most of us never see.There are more than two people in a relationship.

There's you, and there's the other person. And behind each of you stands a child. The one you used to be, who learned long ago what closeness feels like, what danger sounds like, and what to do to stay safe. Most days, those children stay quiet. In the hardest moments, they're the ones doing the talking.

This guide is about getting to the root of your wounds, and starting to heal them.

What's inside the guide

The Wound Map

A map of the childhoods we bring into our relationships.

Every pattern started somewhere it made sense: a child trying to stay loved, stay safe, or not be too much.

I wanted this map to hold as many childhoods as possible, so that yours is somewhere in it. Around sixty wounds, gathered in nine families, from the most obvious to the ones so quiet we never call them wounds. You don't have to read it from start to finish. Look through it, stop where something tightens in your chest, and you may recognize yourself, sometimes on a page you never expected.

  • The child of parents who were always fighting
  • The emotionally unavailable parent
  • The child whose parent left
  • The child who wasn't allowed to cry, or to be angry
  • The child who parented their parent
  • The child punished with silence
  • The child who never saw affection
  • The child who received a parent's emotions
  • The child who worried about money
  • The overprotected child
  • The child who felt like a mistake
  • The child who was sexually abused
  • …and around fifty more. Some obvious, others so quiet you may never have thought of them as wounds.

Each portrait follows the same path.

  1. Growing up
  2. What you learned
  3. How you protected yourself
  4. Your relationship today
  5. What your partner may see
  6. What you still need
  7. A different response
  8. A question for you

Then you read it a second time, thinking of your partner.

Beyond the map

Healing ourselves to heal our relationships.

Recognizing a wound is only the first step.

I know it from my own life: understanding where a wound comes from doesn’t make it stop. So the guide doesn’t end with the map. It takes you further, one step at a time.

  1. FirstA guided meditationA gentle guide to let scenes from your childhood come back to you, the ones where a wound may have taken root, and to meet the child you were.
  2. ThenYour own path to healingA step-by-step process that walks with you, from what you feel today to the root of it.
  3. And finallyA path for twoA guided journey for couples who want to do this work together, with respect for each other’s story.

Healing rarely happens in one big moment. It happens in small steps, taken again and again.

A Little Light
Along the Way

Cover of the guide When Our Wounds Speak: a beam of light in a dark room

I created this guide to help you meet the child you once were, and feel what you couldn’t feel back then.

Page after page, you can begin to:

  • look deeper into yourself, and discover who you really are underneath who you learned to be
  • recognize the moment a much younger part of you takes over, when you feel hurt, left out, or misunderstood
  • go further than knowing your patterns (pleasing, fixing, controlling, withdrawing), and understand where they come from, so you can start to change them
  • get back the energy you spend just to feel safe: anticipating, reading people's moods, holding yourself together
  • see your partner as they really are, maybe for the first time, not through the filter of an old wound
  • grow up emotionally, not by needing less, but by becoming steady enough to need, to ask, and to stay open

The child you were still deserves to be heard.But they no longer have to lead the way.

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Questions

Any questions?

Do I need my partner to do this with me?

No. Most people start alone. The Wound Map, the meditation and your own path to healing are made for one reader. If your relationship feels safe enough, the last chapter is made for two, and every portrait lets you mark what you recognize in yourself and in your partner.

I'm not in a relationship right now. Is it still for me?

Yes, if you've just come out of one, or if you keep seeing the same pattern from one relationship to the next. The Wound Map is about you before it's about any couple.

Does it talk about hard things?

Yes. The last family of the Wound Map covers children who were hit, who saw a parent being hurt, or who were abused. These portraits are written with care, and you can skip any of them. If something in the book stirs up a lot, talking with a professional can help.

What do I receive, and how?

One PDF guide of around 250 pages, made to read on your phone or tablet, with space to write your answers and notes right inside it. You get the download link right after payment.

Sometimes, the person across from you is fighting an old room you've never seen.

Get the guide now $37

Instant download · One payment